Comments on: Is my story good? Should I change anything? Comments and critiques much appreciated! :D ? http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/ SSend.com Sat, 19 May 2012 22:32:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Hilary S http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/comment-page-1/#comment-712 Hilary S Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:28:28 +0000 http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/#comment-712 "There were no walls as far as I could see, which wasn’t far, considering all I could see was darkness. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away from me, which I looked up at-the light hurt my eyes it was so bright-and found it came from a flat light bulb. " I would change this part to "There were no walls as far as I could see; darkness surrounded me. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away, and when I peered up at it my eyes burned from its intensity. Where was this light coming from?" I would also take out the last sentences "Enough questions. My head hurts." I like the ending in the sense that she still had unanswered questions. Those last two sentences did not seem to flow evenly like the rest of the chapter did. Other than that I think it is a great start! I can't wait to read more about it “There were no walls as far as I could see, which wasn’t far, considering all I could see was darkness. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away from me, which I looked up at-the light hurt my eyes it was so bright-and found it came from a flat light bulb. ”

I would change this part to
“There were no walls as far as I could see; darkness surrounded me. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away, and when I peered up at it my eyes burned from its intensity. Where was this light coming from?”

I would also take out the last sentences “Enough questions. My head hurts.” I like the ending in the sense that she still had unanswered questions. Those last two sentences did not seem to flow evenly like the rest of the chapter did.

Other than that I think it is a great start! I can’t wait to read more about it

]]> By: phoebe t http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/comment-page-1/#comment-711 phoebe t Tue, 16 Feb 2010 02:53:14 +0000 http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/#comment-711 good job! i like it. lots of details which allowed me to imagine the scenery. but i think that u should change one thing though... instead of writing "fake grass", u should use the word "turf" instead (turf is fake grass). haha it makes u sound smarter. jk. happy writing! :] good job! i like it.
lots of details which allowed me to imagine the scenery.
but i think that u should change one thing though… instead of writing “fake grass”, u should use the word “turf” instead (turf is fake grass). haha it makes u sound smarter. jk.
happy writing!
:]

]]> By: Archie http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/comment-page-1/#comment-710 Archie Fri, 12 Feb 2010 23:40:07 +0000 http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/#comment-710 pretty good and very descriptive i would read the rest if i could pretty good and very descriptive i would read the rest if i could

]]> By: riku_fan1 http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/comment-page-1/#comment-709 riku_fan1 Thu, 11 Feb 2010 17:50:33 +0000 http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/#comment-709 Indent the lParagraphs. and the sentences dont go well with eachother 1/5 Indent the lParagraphs. and the sentences dont go well with eachother
1/5

]]> By: Aloha I'm Brandi http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/comment-page-1/#comment-708 Aloha I'm Brandi Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:36:16 +0000 http://ssend.com/blog/is-my-story-good-should-i-change-anything-comments-and-critiques-much-appreciated-d/#comment-708 It was great. Too bad for the end being cut off. It was great. Too bad for the end being cut off.

]]>